Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
