Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
