and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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