Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
