Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
