Did you just see the Batmobile???
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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