I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
