lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
