dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
