don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
