How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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