Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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