and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
