His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
