chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize