so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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