I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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