I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize