you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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