Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
