Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
