I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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