You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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