My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
