Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
