then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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