why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
