Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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