It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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