...so i touched it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
