my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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