No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
