She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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