Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
