What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
