I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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