Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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