he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
