My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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