an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
