I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
