barbara walters just said penis...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
