it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
