If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
