the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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