I love how my cats smell like pot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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