So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
