if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
