Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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