you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
