there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
