We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
