Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
