Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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