Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
