I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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