I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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