Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Enjoy the penises
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
