Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
