At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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