Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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