College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
