I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
