I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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