Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
