do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
