Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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