Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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